Dash Off a Memory, Create a Memoir/Marriage Proposal


It's Guest Blog Friday, and here's Dorothy Ann Skarles with a marriage proposal.

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Photo credit:  Makena G

Out of nowhere, he proposed, “Will you marry me?”

In the grip of surprise, I blurted, “I have to think about it.”

My mind reeled at our whirlwind courtship—all of five dates and an interval of a three-month family vacation to Mississippi.

First date, a Saturday night college dance. The second date included a Sunday drive to the mountains in an antique ford car that could barely make it up hill, but would speed lickety-split back down. On top of a mountain where you could see forever, I learned how to shoot a rifle left-handed while target shooting.

The following week, on a third date, we went fishing.  He began to bait my hook, and I said as the boat moved up and down from a wave, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to bait my own hook and cast out.”

When we came home with an over-flow of a bucket of perch, Momma laughed and said, “Daddy asked if you really went fishin’, better call him up and tell him we’re having a fish fry.”


Photo credit:  Rickydavid

I left for vacation the following week, and when I came home, Momma drove into the driveway and shrieked, “Good Lord, there he is again waiting for you on the doorstep.”

Our forth date was a fraternity dance, followed by a fifth date for a dinner and show. At the end of a bewitching evening, we strolled along the city sidewalks and stopped at a jewelry store to look at rings.

On September 1st, magic happened, and I became engaged along with shocked my parents with the news that we were getting married by a minister in a church in three days.

Father flaked out on the couch. Mother said, “The least you can do is wait a week.”

A whirlwind of activity followed, and we were married on September 10th, with both sides of our families at the church.

I was even late for the wedding. Music played “Here Comes the Bride,” over and over and I still stood next to my father as if I was riveted to the oak floor. Daddy put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a hug. “Old Top, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want too. Don’t worry about anything, the gifts can be given back, and they can all eat mamma’s dinner and go home.”

This is the FAST "Dashing Off A Memory" version of a great day and marriage that lasted over forty years.

My husband always said I hooked him when I bated my own hook.

But you know what?

I never put another worm on my hook again.

Jim always did it for me.

What can you write about getting engaged or married for your memoir?

daskarles©2011

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P.S.  Dorothy's book, Scent of Diamonds, is on sale at Amazon for a limited time for 99 cents.

Thanks Dorothy.

Dash Off A Memory, Create a Memoir/Precious Keepsakes

It's Guest Blog Friday, and you know what that means.

Here's Dorothy Ann Skarles!

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Hobbies or collectibles from family members seem to become treasures that never leave the home where they were first displayed.

I have liquor bottles shaped like model trains (still full of liquor), antique bottles extricated from the earth, and unusual beer bottles in different colors (empty) that my boys say I cannot get rid of.

All this great stuff that has been accumulating dust throughout the years is suddenly in a different category.

They are now my responsibility.

dangerismycat

I even have a beer can with Billy Carter's signature.  It says on the label:

Brewed expressly for and with the personal approval of one of America's all-time great beer drinkers--Billy Carter.  

"I had the beer brewed just for me.  I think it's the best I've ever tasted.  And I've tasted a lot.  I think you'll like it, too." 

When asked where the other five cans went, my youngest said, "Mom, you’ve got some famous beer there. Billy Carter is ex-president Carter’s brother. That can will be famous one of these days."

I can’t say I’ve ever been won over to have my own hobby or collectible. 

Until now.

A growing collection of posts for Dash off A Memory/Create a Memoir.

Laughing Squid

Many years ago, while visiting a beautiful home, I saw a wall of shelves in the living room with white porcelain plates in delicate colors displaying coiled shapes of dog feces.

The excrement even came in little balls.

Believe it or not, I have actually seen this bizarre collectible twice in my lifetime.

Did you ever have a hobby?  If so, do you still have it?

What did you collect—stamps, baseball cards, maps, antique dolls, old cars?

Did you ever keep or see a strikingly out of the ordinary hobby or collectible?


daskarles©2011

Photo credit:  Collectibles: by something.from.nancy

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Thanks Dorothy.

Memoir/Bereavement/Are You a Couch Potato?



Viterxo13

On this Guest Friday, Dorothy Skarles shares a note she received from her brother-in-law that relates to all memoir writers.

To this, she adds another installment in Dash Off a Memory, Create a Memoir, by revisiting a subject she knows well--Bereavement.

Welcome Dorothy

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Steve Rhodes

This morning, my brother-in-law sent me this little note, and since I feel the sentiment goes well with all memoir writers, I want to share it with you. 

Be who you are and say what you feel.

Because those who matter, don't mind,
and those who mind, don't matter.

So remember, if you have lost a loved one, you will feel better after writing about the loss and what troubles you.

To jumpstart your memoir, I present you with two questions:



By soumit

Are you a couch potato?

It's the sitting that puts on the pounds?

Have you let exercise go by the wayside?


Activity avoids the pounds.

Following are the reactions most commonly reported by surviving spouses in bereavement  groups.

• It takes all your energy to just cope with your new status in life--widowhood.
• Many things you knew you should do, you don't.  
• You have a difficult time reaching out for help.
• Even thoughts of staying healthy fall along the wayside.
• During the beginning of those first few months, walking for exercise slides to zero, and sitting or lying in bed continues off and on for weeks.
• You are in withdrawal, and your house becomes a mess.

One man in the bereavement group said that his daughter, who had come to take care of him, dropped one of his socks in the hallway, and neither of them picked it up. It got to the point where he wanted to see how long it stayed there before either of them put it back where it belonged.

by jekin the box

The trouble with that man's story is that I understand it. As I look around my living room, I see a week of rolled up newspapers, still unread and held together with rubber bands, stashed on my rocking chair. A telephone book lies on the floor, and several mysteries are strewn on the end table. My beautiful glass-top dining room table holds my lap top and piles of printed paper, along with three dictionaries.

I have to take charge and get off that couch!

And it would probably help if I thought of housecleaning as exercise to get rid of a couple of pounds.

Housework just might be my salvation in accepting my new life and giving me the motivation to stay healthy.

After all, housework is never done, is it?

daskarlesÓ2010

Twilight Times Books

Widowhood, The Great Singles Maker

It's Guest Friday, and Dorothy Skarles continues her memoir series with another sharing of her own;  her personal experience with widowhood--the great singles maker.

Once again, she walks her talk, following the advice she gives her memoir students:  "Write about your feelings.  It helps."

Okay, I think, as a friend and fellow writer, writing about one's personal experience is one thing, but sharing...  Oh my, that's quite another.  How does she do it?  How can she be that brave?

Is sharing part of her own personal healing?  Or is Dorothy sharing out of generosity so others can heal and learn?

Maybe a bit of both.

I'll leave that for you to decide.

In the mean time, welcome, Dorothy.

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By trying 2

I believe that widowhood truly becomes the great singles maker.

The me, myself, and I, slowly vegetate companionless at home feeling forlorn and abandoned, a death reaction along the bereavement trail that does not come from grief alone.

There are other barriers to confront.

Not long ago, I was surrounded by caring friends and family, who shared my loss.  But all too soon, they returned to their own lives, and I was by myself to cope.

The emotional distance from people set in, and over the first weeks and months, I began to hide in front of the TV, trying to avoid the world 24-7, feeling more alone then ever.

By greenhem

The deafening sound of silence that infiltrated every nook and corner of the house made even simple daily routines hard to do. I lost my purpose to do anything--calling a friend, going to the store for groceries, making a bed, cleaning, or even cooking.

When I did fix a meal for myself, it didn’t taste good. Even preparing a snack was difficult.  And when hunger pains wouldn’t go away, I ate junk food.

Why mess up the kitchen for one breakfast, one lunch, or one dinner?

Still, I knew I had to eat.  BUT WHAT?

By alice

Instant?  The many resources from A to Z of fast food takeouts? The microwave thing with high calorie frozen foods?

Or should I forget the endless shock of being a single person and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at a nice restaurant?

Do I settle, or do I stay in my comfort zone with TV for company?

I could appease my hunger by accepting the daunting checkout of the refrigerator for all those bad tasting leftover’s put away and forgotten (but hopefully still eatable).

But then, in a second search to the back of the refrigerator (where food always seems to hide), a discovery of mildew and mold only turns up my nose for added frustration.


By cathy.fong

I learned in my third bereavement meeting that stress and unhappiness, along with not wanting to cook, starts a vicious cycle of not wanting to eat.

One woman in the group disliked fixing a meal for herself so much that she opened a can of chile.  But when heated, it was too spicy-hot to eat, so she added frozen peas along with water and ate it as soup. A widower sitting next to her laughed and said, "I hope you never invite me to dinner."

Sharing eating experiences opened the door to what others did when hungry.

"I usually cook too much," another woman said. "I eat it the first day and it fills me up. The second day, it’s only okay, and the third day, I throw it out."

Still another said, "When I’m hungry, I eat a box of cookies."

A man, looking depressed, added, "My wife cooked.  Now I eat in a restaurant."

The consensus among the grief group, "Who wants to go through all the trouble of cooking when you are the only one who's hungry?"

I am also learning from the group that each of us must get on with our lives for pain to lessen. I pray to God to give me the fortitude to get up in the morning, look in a mirror, and say to myself, "Today is going to be a good day," and then know that the words will give me strength to feed the dog, feed the cat, get dressed, and get out to mingle with people.

No more hiding in front of the TV or eating junk food.

By phill.d

The end of the tunnel is for me to discover life’s simple pleasures of meeting a friend for lunch, going shopping, checking a book out at the library, calling a friend, traveling, and having a positive approach for a successful renewal of spirit.

Hey, it’s just another little hurdle to get over….

(Image credit:  Memoirs, by trying2)

Dash Off a Memory/Create a Memoir, Lesson Two

Once again, my friend and critique partner, Dorothy Ann Skarles, is sharing one of her lessons on how to create a memoir.

Here's hoping she will continue to share her lessons, maybe even start a series.

Dorothy taught memoir writing at Lodi Adult School until her retirement. She is the author of two novels and one non-fiction book—Learning To Write The Easy Way published by Twilight Times Books.

Lesson 2: Going down memory lane.

A memoir is based on the memory of events. The people are real and the story is true as you know it. From now on as you write, you will be a story teller. You will explore all aspects of your life in depth and, as in fictional writing, you will use fictional techniques like adding characters and dialogue. These elements will turn your memoir into a story that may even be published.

Everyone’s life is unique. It is after all your very own. But even great memories require some research. Check with family members about people, places, and special occasions. Write down what they can add to your story. Look at old magazines, books, movies, old photos, and listen to music to help you remember. Check out timeline books in the library. They will describe the highlights in any given year and will help you add details to your story. Specific aspects bring your story alive for the reader. It helps to visualize memory and makes the story more interesting for the reader.

Example:  "Tom Brokaw referred to me as the Greatest Generation in his book because I fought in World War II."

Or you might write: "I was a republican but I voted for Obama in 2008. The man was for change and I wanted change."

You will need one or two notebooks to write down facts so they are not forgotten. Carry a notebook with you at all times and as memories come to you write them down.

Guidelines to write in your notebook:

• Write down street names, towns you lived in, neighbors’ names, what you cooked with, what you wore and how fashions have changed.

• Write about family life, relationships, your accomplishments, and other interesting or unique experiences.

• Use dialogue and describe your characters’ personalities, appearance and actions. Remember that you, too, are a character, so be sure to give a sense of your own physical presence by what you said and did.

• School, work and the places you traveled are also good sources for stories.

• As you write, use the five senses in your descriptions. At least two or three so the reader can see, hear, smell, taste or touch the scene. You remember what it was like; your challenge is to recreate that scene in your reader's mind. You smell good, he said as he kissed me. “Like your mother’s red roses in the garden.

Where to start/Your birth

You need not write chronology, but most people remember something about their birth and what others have told them about the event. It is an easy place to start your memoir. Take a moment to think about it. Do you know the who, what, when, where, and how of that dramatic event? Answer all the questions you can and give your piece a title. "Baby Boy Turns Into Twins. Girl Of The Year. One Month Late. War Baby. A Gift Of Life."

Questions to ask yourself:

• Where was I born? Hospital, at home or in a car?

• What did family and friends say about your birth?

• Did they guess if you were a boy or girl?

• How was your name picked?

• Do you like your name?

• Did your name give you problems?

• Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters?

• Name them and give ages.

• Did you like being the oldest, middle or youngest? And why?

• How old were your parents at your birth?

• Were your parents rich, poor, or considered”well off”?

• Did your mother keep a baby book?

• Is their something humorous you can say about your birth?

• What kind of work did your mother and father do?

• Where were they living at the time?

• Did your grandparents say anything about your birth?

• Were you born with any health problems?

• Who was the president of the United States at the time

Never let anything stop you or be afraid to try something new when you write.

Remember, "Amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic."
                                                                                                --Anonymous

Happy writing.

Dorothy.

Dash Off a Memory/Create a Memoir, Lesson One

My friend and critique partner, Dorothy Ann Skarles, has generously offered to share one of her lessons on how to create a memoir.

Dorothy taught memoir writing at Lodi Adult School until her retirement. She is the author of two novels and one non-fiction book, Learning to Write the Easy Way, published by Twilight Times Books.

Lesson 1: A memory is a gift to the family.

By Mara~earthlight~

Every passing minute of each bygone day is a memory that lives in our hearts forever. But to recapture those fleeting moments from vanishing, we dash them off into powerful words so others may read the way we played, loved, ate, and drank our follies away.

It is often quoted that "the pen is mightier than the sword" and I believe this to be true. Writing is an opportunity to pass on your values and tell what your life was like as you traveled through the years.  Written words are truly the mirrors to our souls.

It does not matter if you call your book a memoir, a biography, or an autobiography. They are all the same in the respect that they are written by you and from your memory. Your age doesn’t even enter into it.  The words that burn in your heart and the thoughts that breathe out your life are ageless and should be written whether you are young or old. 



By Kat

 Memories not written down are memories lost forever. So don't wait on writing about how you lived your life.  Snatch, seize, and enjoy every passing minute of your memory and start writing at whatever age you are.  And when you can't write, record your words and reproduce them later on paper.  The quote "Better late than never," is a motto we should keep on our writing desk along with "Do it now!"

The Introduction Page is the first page of your book.  It can also be called an acknowledgment, a preface, a foreword, or even a dedication.  This page can be short and to the point or long on explanations.  What you write will answer the question of why you wanted to write a memoir for the family and future generations to read.

Now on paper, write:  "I am writing my life story because...

Here's an example written by a student writing about his grandparents.

I am writing my life story because when I was very young, I remember sitting by the kitchen table and listening to the old folks talk about growing up.  My grandmother talked about Germany and coming to America, while my grandfather told how the United States government informed his parents that they could no longer live in North Carolina and how they traveled the trail of tears to Mississippi.

My other grandfather, who came to the United States at seventeen, talked about growing up in Greece and how much more he had to learn than everyone else because, as we all know, everything in the world was invented by the Greeks.  My other grandmother, his wife, talked about traveling to America from France. 

And you know what?  A German woman married an American Indian man, and a Greek man married a French woman in America, and all I could think about as I sat listening was how a loaf of bread cost only two cents.  Really, you could buy a hamburger and a malt for a nickel.  That's how it was way back then.  But now it's time for the rest of the story. 



By _Olga_ [FR]

 Take a moment to think of what you would like to say. What would you like to leave for your family and future generations to read?

Would you like to tell them how you lived and the things you did, what kind of school you went to or the games you played?

Do you want to write about the job you had in World War II? Does your family want you to write a history on their ancestral background and about the people they do not know? Do you want to write about your garden hobby or write family recipes for others to enjoy?

Perhaps you would rather focus on what life was like being a dancer in the ballet or living on a farm? You might even want to write about all the boy friends or girl friends you dated. Or do you want to set the family straight on why you divorced or why you dropped out of school.

Keep in mind that the first thirty to forty years give you the text and the next thirty to forty years supply the commentary on it. So don’t wait! This author will help give you ideas to write your legacy in the great art of living.

You have now written page one in your memoir.
Feel free to leave any questions you may have about your writing project under comments below.

Happy writing.

Dorothy

Dash Off A Memory/Create A Memoir

Are you trying to decide if the writing life is for you? 

Today, on Book Talk Friday, my friend and critique partner Dorothy Ann Skarles introduces her book, Learning to Write the Easy Way for Fun, Posterity and Money, in which she helps you discover your hidden writing talent. 

As she says in her introduction, "Connecting with your own past in a memoir, autobiography or personal experience story is a way for future generations to get to know who and what you are.  It is history in the making.  A record of modest immortality."

Dash of a Memory/Create a Memoir

by Dorothy Ann Skarles

Every person, has a story to write to leave for the next generation. That is true for the young as well as the old. You are born, go to school, work, marry, have children or not, travel, grow old, and retire. In-between is a scenic byway of events and experiences to share for the family to let them know who you really are, and what you did in life. You are history in the making.

Those who write are passing on family traditions, values, patterns of beliefs, and even feelings. Seeking a story to begin with needn’t be hard to do if you start with the most significant thing in your life that you remember. It can be when you broke your arm as a child, when you bought your first car or when you ran out of money in Paris France. You can even write on how you got your name. 

By jcoterhals

A story does not have to be ten pages. It can be as little as one, two or three paragraphs long. Then as it sits in a drawer and you think and remember, you can add and rewrite until you have said all you wanted to say. Countless studies indicate that recalling a past experience results in more and more memories to write.

Its brain training that produces real benefits. If you think about it, even an obituary is a mini memoir of a person you love when you record what that person did in life.

In Learning To Write The Easy Way are tips and guides for the significant events in life. Easy steps to pick a topic and write a few lines.

Your reader or family member doesn’t expect everything you write to be a news flash, but they do expect you to be as truthful as you know how in your writings. You may have passed the age of youth, but remember the world of writing is open to you even if you’ve never written before or ever had a computer. Just pick up that piece of paper, a pen or pencil, and get started.

Remember the more you write the better you become. Here is a topic to help you get started.

Christmas Holidays



By julian

 • What was the best Christmas ever?

• What was the worse Christmas you ever had?

• How old were you?

• Did you believe in Santa Claus? If not why not?

• Did you get the present you asked for? If not why not?

• What was so good or so bad about this Christmas?

• Where you by yourself or with someone?

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Thank you Dorothy for posting on my blog.  I hope you can come back again, maybe share some more of your writing exercises to help get our juices flowing.

As an added bonus, here is a review of Dorothy's wonderful book by Mary Ebert.

Learning to Write the Easy Way: For Fun Posterity and Money

Dorothy Ann Skarles
Twilight Times Publishing
http://twilighttimesbooks.com/

Discover your hidden writing talent. Write the book you know is inside you. Record your past and present for future generations. Dorothy Ann Shows you ways to do this with easy steps and specific techniques that will definitely help you along your road.

I wasn’t sure about this book when I first got it. I’ve been trying to record my family history for years without success. And this book talked about writing for profit which isn’t something my family history is not going to bring in.

Ms. Skarles has changed my mind. No my family history won’t make me a lot of money but she has given me the techniques to capture those moments in life that not only are a part of my family history, but packaged differently and sold differently may allow me to make money easily and with very little effort. After reading this book I can now see that all it takes in this world to have fun recording a family history and make money in the process is a new look at life. In my mind this is not something that is only fit to read but a MUST OWN for every writer on the planet.

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If you have any questions or comments for Dorothy, please leave them below.  Either she or I will get back to you.